Mother and Daughter: Special Moments

I think my book will be about the special moments between Reagan and me:

I was holding her in my arms the other day as she cried about a friend being mean to her. I was telling her how sometimes friends are mean. I went on and on about girls, individuals versus groups and the dynamics and new friends..... told her to listen to her heart when choosing friends. Little tears fell down her face and I get this response: "Mommy, why do you have hair growing in your nose?"

I sick

head spinning. But Im a-ccounting. Me thinks one of my friends is screening calls. it is ok, PMS, I get it. And I am a little weird right now. So tired. Hi Ho so much work to do.

Mixed Up Mondays

Alarm went off around 5-ish. I was still feeling sick and as I hit snooze about 3 or 4 times, I made the decision I would not go to work today. I did get up and come downstairs to finish the management report my boss would need by 9am. Then back to bed. I slept alot of the day. Finally got the urge to throw the sheets in the wash. Love some clean sheets (flicker, lightbulb, REMINDER, fill out class action lawsuit against Bed Bath Beyond for misrepresenting thread count on 1000 count sheets.) We will have clean sheets tonight.

I finally decided to venture out to the library to pick up a book on hold. I have been putting it off. Dont want to get in dirty car. Dont want the sunlight! Sun turned into dark and a downpour hit us right as I opened the car door to head into library. I had been multitasking. Had to call Ame back. She had called over the weekend and I had yet to return the call. Usually because the phones are dead. Even though they have been charged. So I was talking to Ame and Reagan was running her mouth "Mommy, are tornadoes coming? Do they kill people? Where was the first tornado? Pennsylvania? Does the devil make tornadoes?" So I am trying to talk to Ame and answer questions from motor mouth at the same time. I got out of sequence here (I was on the cell with Ame until we parked at the library). Blah blah..... I looked like a reject from a wet tshirt contest as we entered the library. Gross. Reagan took off her shirt for the ride home. We looked like a red neck family.

Splinnnnnnnnnnnnnnntering thought. Just thought about Brooke's response to the email chain for Tanya's Pure Romance/Lingerie shower. No offense Brooke but I thought it was funny. I figured you must have been having a hormonal or narcotic moment. (Brooke just had a baby the other week and I am very happy it went well) Here is this big email going around between the girls making jokes about lingerie and other things whatever goes with a Pure Romance party. We mention odd lingerie and crack jokes. Then Brooke's email comes through about she cant wait to spend this special moment with her best friend. I am thinking... this is probably going to be a raunchy yet tasteful lingerie shower. A fun but probably not a nostalgic memory moment. Brooke, I am not making fun of you. I know you were sincere in your email and Tanya is very special to you and she is lucky to have you in her life. I am just a-laughing because Mimi and the others and I had already turned it into a hysterical- be -afraid- of -what -you -may- unwrap- party. Then I feel for you because I know you are going through that craziness of post partum confusion. I remember being in the middle of a normal conversation and then bursting into tears after Reagan was born. That and the freaking milk explosion. So I read Brooke's email and then another of Tanya's friends about crotchless panties. So when you put it all together, I am giggling. Tanya's friends are so varied. We hit the full spectrum. She is fortunate to have the diversity. Creates interesting memories. Dont forget to do the protection thing on the house, Ms Morgan.

Then back to reality. Work tomorrow. My child is still constipated. I dont know where my clean clothes are. What do I feel like wearing? That outfit someone voted no on that I dont want to spend the money on. What will I fit in? Bloating is bad. Must find elastic.

I worked on my resume. I need to work on my communication and vocabulary skills. It is limited. I do Mommy talk first and people talk second. Well Reagan wants her pizza so I have to go. No pictures. Too lazy to find it. To moody to function. WAITTTTTT.. One more thing. My cousin called me to wish me a happy birthday. I thought he sounded a little preoccupied but he called anyway. At the end of the conversation I asked him if he was ok, here is what I got, "Yeah, I am fine. We are just in the middle of this wire tap thing." Then I freak out. He is an undercover detective and talks about wire tapping like its a normal thing. Or he is in the middle of a stake out and acts like it is just a normal day. Yeah, getting ready to bust some people but I will call you later. Freaks me all out. Then I have to block it out or I will worry.

On this Day Not So Many Years Ago

A prodigy was born. A 2lb little baby girl born to a young and scared 18 yr old girl. I was given 50/50 odds and beat them. When all else seems off or wrong, I think I was lucky to have made it. Just kidding about the prodigy part. I do not have a lot of details about my birth. Army Hospital, 12 something a.m.. Too early.

So Happy Birthday to me. Another year. But I no longer count them in single numbers. Multiples of 5. That sounds good.

Fa La La

Friday, Birthday Holiday at the DMV

I took Friday off as my floating holiday. Either your birthday or a calendar holiday. My day of leisure. And the year I must renew my license. I have waited five years to renew my picture, I mean license. The picture from way back then is horrible. Reagan and I went to the Arrowwood DMV. Where do our tax dollars go? We had no where to sit but on the floor. The staff was mean. MEAN. They are always mean. The lady who tested my vision and signs was nice though. But before that we sat for 2 hours. Dirty, greasy, filthy, scary. That was Friday. We ate Wendys near our house to comfort ourselves. Then we came home and did nothing. Who voted no on my outfit? I really liked it. I think. But ask me again in a few minutes and I might change my mind. Fickle fickle. Drive myself crazy.

Preview of Kindergarten

Reagan and I headed to Elon Park soon- to- be- not -Elon Park but Flat Branch Elementary Thursday night. I thought she and I would be sitting together through the short meet and greet. But no, tear my limb from my body..... I had to drop her off in a classroom. I felt a pinch of anxiety dropping her in a room where they are not writing down her name, my name, her blood type, date of birth, distinguishing marks, etc. So I sat through a meeting that confused me more than educated. Flat Branch does not exist yet.... but it will. Or something like that. Finally it was over and I darted through the traipsing herd of parents to rescue Reagan from a foreign room and unfamiliar people. Then hand in hand, we walked out and decided neither one of us were ready for her to go to Kindergarten.

From Lingerie Shower to Constipated Child

Oh how my mind splinters. There I was thinking about this lingerie shower for Tanya. Personally, I dress for comfort when I sleep. Then the Caller ID on the work phone shouts (not literally, you know) Woodlawn CDC. My blood freezes or boils; whatever happens when your adrenaline kicks in.... why is daycare calling me? What has happened? My baby. Reagan is constipated and crying. Miss Alma puts my crying baby on the phone. "Drink warm water honey, its ok, dont cry. Just drink lots of warm water. Everything will be all right."
"ok mommy" replies the little voice. My heart breaks. It is still breaking. I call Sean. He must be working on or with something important. He cant talk about a constipated child. He cant sympathize with me. My heart hurts. Not because he cant sympathize but because my baby was crying real tears. Not the drama tears. Sean was a Marine. Marine children dont get constipated. Kidding. Only a mother can feel the anxiety and hurt over constipation. I dont blame Sean. Nurturing comes from females. He is a great father. So I call daycare... "Mr Tim, is Reagan still in the gym eating breakfast? Can you see if she is crying?" Pause, and a hold on, shuffle, shuffle, shuffle
Mr Tim: "No, shes not crying... she is standing in line wiping her nose."
Ok, well call me if she starts crying.
And I am still as anxious as hell-o.

NOTE: ADDENDUM: Sean called back to check on little peanut. He was in the middle of something that did not jive with a discussion on constipation.

Whoa Miley!!!!! Slow it down

That boy is not worth losing your career. If you want to flush it, at least go after a hot guy.

PICTURE DAY!

Oh what fun it is to get a 5 yr old ready for picture day!!!! Reagan wanted her hair curled so I had a blast with the curling iron at 6am this morning. I think we should have left it straight. I gave her a little glitter powder on the face and some mascara. She has a cold though and looks a little pale. But what walked out of the house was the spitting image of Shirley Temple.

On the fabulous ride in... first I was quizzed. "Mommy, did God make Grandma?" Yes. "Did God make Daddy?" Yes. "Daddy lied, he said Grandma made him." No, Daddy did not lie, Grandma carried daddy but God gave Grandma daddy.

Short lull in conversation. "What did God make before us?" ME: ughhhhhhhhhh, Adam.
Reagan: "( Snort, snuff, whatever sound famous in 5 yr old princess tyrants) Umm, well that's weird."

Then I was hit from behind by a snot rocket. A huge sneeze landed some goo all over the back of my driving arm. What a wonderful life. It really is, dysfunction and all.

Shopping on an Early Saturday Morning

I took Reagan to Kohls. Her velcro gold high-heeled shoes did not velcro. Somebody made a dud. Good thing, a perfect reason to return them. While I had an interesting conversation with customer service (negotiating price discounts for items I bought last week that were now on Early Bird special), Reagan freaked out (Just a 1.5 on a scale of 1-10) in the bathroom because something was beeping and she was afraid to use the bathroom. So Reagan is holding it in and I am trying to work some discounts. Turns out I ended up with the better deal on prices last week since I had a coupon. The beeping in the bathroom was the automatic air freshener that was on E... empty. After Reagan promised to behave prior to entering the store, she ran off and hid in the clothes, she stood beside a mannequin and pretended to be one, she made goofy sounds... The usual. I told her, this is your chance to pick out what you would like to wear so there is no argument over getting dressed. "Mommyyyyyyy, duh,,, these clothes are stupid." I said oh look at this cute tank top (I am thinking that will stretch over the Brownlee-Murphy pot belly) with the cherries on it. "Cherries are stupid mom." I think for a second, yes, I would not be dressing my 5 year old in cherries. Look at these cute Hannah Montana shorts... (I get tired of using punctuation so add it where you think it belongs)..... Mom, those are shorts, they are short pants. I dont like shorts. I like skirts. Fine, I think, Target has skirts in an array of colors for under $10.00. But I am at Kohls, I really dont want to park at Target, listen to my ceramic breaks @$350+ squeak as I try not to hit pedestrians, walk Reagan in while she runs over for nasty popcorn, and then repeat myself for an hour. (The usual... stop running, dont you know someone can grab you, dont lick the cart, stop picking your nose, I am not playing hide and seek, this is not a game, fine.. do you want to go to school in your jammies, I am going to call your dad, no tv for you, let's go right now)

Yesterday, Reagan was working a puzzle by herself. She is showing above average intelligence. Something set her off and she said "Damn it, Damn it." I only looked at her and said "Reagan Elizabeth." The lips poked out and she was upset for 10 minutes. "Well you shouldnt say it then Mommy." Well of course not. Little Miss really needs attention. I am way off in my own little world. I am hoping to settle whatever is going on in my other world and get everything where it needs to be. Me, my health, my career, my sanity, my memory.

I really have tried to upload pictures but I have been getting error messages. I will try again.
Note to friend with hex issue: I sent you the candle thing that is supposed to get rid of bad energy. Never tried it myself, me like candles to smell not burn out bad boogies. Over and out.

Come on, Send Me Your Titles

In the meantime, I have a wonderful new idea for a children's book title. It is important that children learn these concepts at an early age. Over the years, women (mommies or not mommies (by the way, I never called my mother mommy as far as I know)) have been labeled as unstable during the same time each month over and over again until their little eggs just dry out, then they are even crazier after that.

Title:

PMS (Pray for Mommy's Sanity): The Trials and Tribulations of the Hormonally Challenged Working (or non Working) Mom and what it means to you

Synopsis: During this time, dear child, you must use your fine motor skills to dodge flying stuffed animals, month old cookies you left in the car, pads that have become unwrapped in Mommy's purse and are no longer useful.... You must use every good manner you have been taught but ignored. You must agree with everything mommy says. There will be no pouty faces, smartass faces, silly baby talk, pulling up mommy's dress in front of strangers or friends, no grabbing boobs, no sticking toothpicks in the toaster, etc.

Topic Ideas

Thank you, Adrienne, for your inspiring title ideas:

How To Stop Kicking the Back of Mommy's Chair When She's Trying to Drive
Daddy Drinks Because You Cry (got this one online / but maybe you could write the sequel?)
Mommy Takes Drugs Because You Won't Behave!
If Ms. Alma Makes Me Late To Work Again . . .
Why Doesn't Daddy Do More Housework?

More from Me:

My Daddy Irons, Mommy Can't
Why Mommies have Saggy Boobs (so you could nurse and suck the life out of them)
Safety Rules for the Carseat (No flying toys, no making choking noises, no screaming)
Why Chocolate Ice Cream is not Dinner
I'm a Mother not a Maid

I'VE GOT IT!!

Spring fever? Pesky zit right above the lip? Bloating? Ingrown hair? Cracked heels? Well, yes maybe those. My brilliant idea. I will write a children's book and Reagan will illustrate. Send me your topic ideas. Those that wont get Reagan carted off by child protective services.

Topics:

Mean Girls
Boys can be your friends
How to use your manners
Wear the clothes your mother picks out
Why Mommy Works (so you can have a better life so stop complaining)
Dont Eat Like Mommy, Eat Healthy
Smoking is Bad

Feeling a little anxious

An understatement? Here is what is going through my head:
"Should I stop by Doolittle's and buy some bows for Reagan to wear for pictures next week? What is she going to wear, that new outfit I bought, but she cant wear those new shoes, she will look like a hooker. Should I get her bangs trimmed or just pull them back? Curly hair or straight? I know I am going to put just a little mascara on her lashes. When are those sales tax returns due? Do I have to get them in today or can they wait until tomorrow? When am I going to pay down my balance on the citi card? Why did I use that card. To get the Upromise points. Wonder if I have lost any weight yet? I am not getting on that scale. Not until my clothes are baggy then I will see. Why is weight such an issue with me? Do I go ahead and order the bite guard when I go to the dentist today? I dont want to get it yet if my bottom teeth are crowded. Did Sean get Reagan to school yet? There is no way I am going to be able to sell danishes or whatever those things are for her school fundraiser. Am I clenching my teeth? my jaw hurts, damn it, stop tapping your foot. Why havent I been able to reach Tanya? Is she mad at me for not noticing she has lost weight? She is not into the weight thing so surely she is not mad at me. Is Brooke ok? Wonder what Madison looks like. No one emailed me a picture. I am hungry."

All that thinking in circles makes me dizzy.

Continued:

"Yay, I have an email that a book is on hold for me at the library. What the hell book is that? I dont recognize the name. Anyway, yay, me like books. I can read. Why did Sean sound funny when I called him? Did I say something wrong? Why have I not heard from my family. Did something happen and no one wants to tell me? Hope the dog is not sick. The only reason I have not called them is because I have been in such a weird, worried, anxious, non-functional state that I did not want to bother them. I cant believe I forgot to pay the water and power bills last month. That is really not like me. Why does my hair look dark in pictures? I know I asked for Cindy to lighten it a little more last time. I really need to clean my closet and hang up all those clothes. I feel like Atlas, wasnt he the one with the weight of the world on his shoulders? What am I going to get Reagan's friend Brianna for her birthday party? She likes horses and her mom cant stand Bratz. That little devil on my shoulder wants to buy a Bratz doll. Full out slutty with its own makeup. Oh well, horses are easy. I need to return those shoes to Kohls. But I cant go to the Target in that shopping center. I am banned. See December blog. I said a curse word or two to the dumbass manager. Why are my pupils always really big so that you cant see my eye color? Do I have something wrong with my eyes? I hope Reagan wiped and does not have a rash. Did she brush her teeth? That is all I need, another cavity for her. Breathe. Focus. Does Yoga really help?"

The Lords Prayer: Reagan's version

Our Father, who art in Heaven.....
For dying is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen

Me: No Reagan, it is not dying. It is THINE.

Reagan: Vine? Ok for Vine is the kingdom....why is a vine in the kingdom?

Me: No, it is not a vine. The , t-h, THINE

Reagan: Whatever (with the eye roll), For dying is the kingdom...

And I try all over again.

Other: Reagan: Hey mommy. Are you that word today? You knowwwwwwwwww. Starts with a p (she begins to impress me with her grasp of phonics). Pa Pa Pa Pi Pi. That word you use when kitty poops on the floor. Mom, are you pissed off today?

Me: Reagan Elizabeth, you do not repeat those words. You are a lady. I am Mommy.

Reagan was sent to time out at school for pinching a classmate. Deja Vu... I pinched one in Kindergarten. Apple doesnt fall far from the tree. What in the world does that mean????? Monkey See Monkey Do. I pinch Reagan when she is not listening and behaving badly.

Flashback, Flash Forward, Now

The Wedding Shower for Tanya and Brian was this weekend. It went rather well. I was a little concerned about flashbacks since some on the guest list were people from my past. I had a zit on my cheek that I could not cover. I had tanned a few times (which I had stopped doing years ago) to get a little color for the pink dress I was wearing. I think the tanning made my skin break out. So, Sean, Reagan, me, my zit, and my other personality loaded up to go to the shower. My other personality hits the second I drink anything alcoholic. You have to understand that I am really uptight. No matter how funny and cute (ha ha) you think I am, I am super uptight. So zit on my cheek and other personality on my shoulder, I had a talk with myself before the shower. You will not drink too much...... you will not make a fool of yourself. You are a smart and semi-classy lady. Because alcohol tends to take its time with me, I goof and it all hits at once when it is too late.


What was important was that the guests of honor enjoyed their party. They did so we, the hostesses, succeeded. But there were all these people from my past. Luckily, we all have grown up so the past is just that. I met my long ago ex-boyfriend's wife. I hope I did not frighten her with my usual degree of familiarity. I do not mean any harm but I am not a "small talker." I do not need to know the intricate details of your life but I do like substance in a conversation. I dont talk weather, politics, or religion. or sports. Never sports. I guess I talk more about human nature and the way we all interact with each other. Tanya and I analyze behavior. Not really a waste of time... if you can analyze correctly, you know where you stand with others. And whether you want those people in your life. As Hannah Montana sings "Life's what you make it so lets make it rock."

So, the party. Great people, great fun. I cannot wear my heart on my sleeve for this one because the emotions I felt were conflicting and I still have not sorted them out. Old friends and all; the ones I have lost touch with (bad grammar, I know). You can still love them but realize life is not like the younger days when the phone was stuck to you ear with these girls. Each of my friends are unique. I miss them alot. I am proud of how we all turned out. And the memories are priceless. Jill, Gingi, Brooke, Amy (Tanya of course)..... you have all brought back the good memories.

I will post a picture of my old boyfriend's wife with Reagan soon. It is precious. You can tell by her body language that she is an incredible mother... to listen to my Reagan ramble about who knows what (goosebumps, jesus and the cross, pledge of allegiance, her boyfriend...)

signing off. Need to find some humor.

Happy Birthday to My Husband!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So here we are.... I refuse to post any pictures of me. I am currently photogenically challenged. And I look a litte curvy. As the blogger, I have final say in pictures posted. Sean's birthday is today!!!! We went to Outback last night. Reagan hit her head twice from climbing under the table when we told her not to. She was very tired and pulling out all her moves. She tends to do this before she finally crashes. In one picture, Paulette had escaped (I mean left) to the bathroom. Reagan took her seat and did the ""I'm Grandma" with glasses pose as demonstrated image 3 above.

Vote

Nada thing to write, really. I did have an event with Reagan yesterday but I will go over that later. Vote on these outfits