Oh Really?

I am going to sit here for a minute and pretend I have an audience, a following, a group of readers who have anxiously been waiting for me to come with something, anything besides pictures.

I have been uninspired. Irritable. New medication too. Me thinks it is not a good fit for me. And dont even start, 90% of those I know and know of are on some time of medication for depression or anxiety. Have you stopped to think of the expectations of our generation? More for less. More work, more time, more everything for less. And that is our culture.

I still laugh, only to myself. I had lunch with a friend the other day and she is very funny. Very clever she is as well. Here is this vibrant, beautiful lady with 2 children of her own and turns out we are not that different. We both deal with mood disorder but only those very close to us ever really get the brunt of it. I guess you call it mood disorder, I dont know. I know normal people with ugly personality disorder. At least we dont have that. Ugly personality is that person who thinks they are so above you and they are backside-ugly (I know, outer beauty is overrated) and just ugly all over. You try to be nice to them or at least polite and you get ugly face. So eventually you forget trying to be nice and you avoid ugly-face-bad-attitude and do not acknowledge their presence. But you still wonder why Ugly Allover has a lofty demeanor. Did your mama tell you you were better than everyone else? And you believed it?

I am tempted to get a personalized plate that reads "Phat Ride" or LuvMyCar. I have seen some really proud plates on some really cheap cars. To each his own. I really would not get a personalized plate because it costs more money. Plus that is really TMI for the road ragers. My lovely car and I will be spending Good Friday at Goodyear. The $350 brake repair a month ago did not alleviate the whistling brakes. So, replacement brake pads. Then princess and I will turn in my overdue library books. I have been late with my books lately. I have never turned in a book late until recently. I believe I have lost part of my mind. Probably gone with my job that is disappearing this summer if not sooner.

Almost 7 years I have poured into this job and poof, it will be gone. My 2nd family in my dept, scattered. My mental sounding board, gone. And amazingly, it hurts. Not so much because I have built this lovely shield around me that protects me from feeling much of anything. Believe me, it was years in the making. Started in my 20's. Pretty strong shield. Only major events can pierce it. I do not like change. Never have. We are supposed to embrace change. Be excited for the future and all it has to offer. All I am saying is the whole world is nuts and some of us are sane. For all my quirks and paranoia's, I still feel sane because I see what is and not what someone else wants me to see.

I dont think I have said anything funny. Reagan is all in a tizzy because her Easter Basket from daycare has three Bible scriptures in it and they were each to get one. She is really concerned that the others did not get their scriptures. I told her dont worry about it, she cant read. What a great mother I am. Whatever, I know I am lacking now in the mothering skills since Reagan has learned to think for herself. She is no longer my obedient little baby. She has a STUBBORN mind of her own and a SMART mouth. But she loves to nurture and she has a good heart. She wants to turn the other cheek when the bully gets to her and I want her to kick the bully's ass. Excuse the language. I never want her to fear anyone or anything. I dont want her feelings hurt when little girls dont want to play with her. I have already observed this at the pool over summers. Some will play, some wont. So I tell her about how mean little girls (and big ones) can be. Some of us are sisters and some of us are enemies. It is the nature of the beast. I try to explain this to Sean and he does not get it. Females have instincts that are just totally different than men.

Ok, it is late now. For me anyway and Sean has something stuck in this keyboard because it is making funny, annoying noises as I key. Basically, I have stopped blogging because I have been too busy to make any observations about the outside world. Note to self: I was excited when a mother about my age shouted to me at the grocery store: I LOVE YOUR T-SHIRT!!! It read David Boreanaz hearts (loves) Me. He is the lead on "Bones" and used to play on "Angel" and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I liked his characters mostly. I would not like him because he seems a little arrogant even though he has a dry sense of humor. He is married to a former Playmate and that lowers my respect for him but she appears down to Earth and funny. But still, a Playmate. Ughhhhh. That is what men want us to live up to. I aint no Bunny. Neva Evva.