No one likes a tirade

So dont read it. My car did not pass inspection so I am angry. You get different answers, interpretations of the NC regulations depending where you go. This is not the time for bullshit car problems. I need to focus on our daughter and her kindergarten experience. I need to be healthy.. I have been having stomach aches again like I did years ago when I was under alot of stress. I need to focus on having a job by October. But the employment industry is saturated with recruiting agencies. I have one person helping me. I do not want the bs of any other recruiters placing me somewhere I dont belong just so they make their quota for the month.

I am turning into a hermit. I dont want to leave the house in my crappy car. I cant find anything because everything is so disorganized. I never said I was organized. When I was overwhelmed from the messes I made in my youth, my mom was always there to pick up the pieces. My husband keeps certain parts of the house in order but my junk is everywhere as is Reagan's.

I will laugh again. Something made me laugh the other day but I dont remember what it was. I know I am down.... but I am still blessed. I get it. So if I am not on the phone keeping in touch, I dont want to sour you with the zombie that is me. If you need me, let me know and of course I will be here for you. That is a given. I just have to get my life under control. There are too many things that are just out of my control and it throws me off balance. I will wing it as best I can. We are all struggling. Dont get the idea that I am so self centered as to not understand that other people are dealing with obstacles. I know this. I just got to thinking how I havent blogged and where did I get lost? A little life change and I fall apart? Others that I know have it worse than I do. I guess I am angry for feeling sorry for myself because I am a Taurus and we are a proud breed. I sound like a dog.

I watched a disturbing movie today that bothered me. I should have turned it. That is what I get for straying from Disney channel.

Peace and love.. until later.

Happy Birthday Ame!!!

Hope you have a wonderful birthday.

Kindergarten....

Daddy took Reagan in for her first day of school. I am at my last few days at work until the next one comes along (gig not child). Here are some pictures from the first day.

Honk Honk!

I got little miss ready for daycare.... let her drink sprite for her sore throat and what does she do in return for me? Grabs both of my boobs in honk-honk fashion and announces to her class that Mommy has her fake boobies on today. Padded bra, that is... nothing fake. That girl...... she is one smart cookie but is going to drive me nuts.

wherehaveibeen? and other stuff

Reagansmom has been making friends and enemies. Unless you have an army behind you, DO NOT join forums. Do NOT. Never have I seen so much heated debate on any or all of the following:
childbirth
religion
breastfeeding vs formula
potty training
spanking
discipline
ANYTHING

Goodness people.. go get a job already. If you have time to write dissertations on any of the above, you have too much time on your hands.

Now, back to my life. Reagan has been scared to sleep in her room. I sympathize... I was that girl. And that little girl, sweet little me, burned that room down. So now I hide the matches, the scissors, the candles, the vitamins, the chairs to stand in to reach any of the before mentioned. I know the inside of her mind. But sometimes she surprises me. Case in point:

We decided pet fish in her room would help her sleep by herself. So we went to Walmart Saturday. On the way in, we drove past a very stiff and quite dead deer on the side of the road. So I say to Sean something like "Ok, divert her attention so she does not see the d-e-a-d d-e-e-r." He and I start talking for about 10 seconds and we hear from the back seat "Hey, what were those two legs doing sticking out on the side of the road. Wait, NO, what were those FOUR legs doing sticking out on the side of the road?" I looked over at Sean who was struggling not to laugh because we thought we were so smart. I very calmly said "That was a dead deer that was run over. Deer do not understand that cars can hurt them." She took it well.

I am Bloated and Other Interesting Things

It is not a pleasant feeling to be bloated. Not at all. And then if I recall everything I have eaten, I feel worse. So I say tomorrow is another day. There is no reason to eat all the time.... I need to keep gum with me at all times. What did the hypnosis lady tell me to say "I feel wonderful. I feel calm. I am in control." Ok well all I can bleat out is I FEEL EFFING BLOATED. My own fault.

Here comes the husband. He is stomping and has come home with the red wine and few words for me so I guess it was a long day. Or a bad day. Or maybe he thinks I look fat. Or maybe it is just me. Again, tomorrow is another day.

Well, let me roll on over to the couch. Reagan needs to get to bed early. She has dark circles under her eyes. Not really dark but enough that only a mother would notice because men think we make it up. G'night.

My Skirts Too Tight and I Forgot My Shoes

Not a country song. I ate too many s'mores. And I have to wear flip flops because I forgot my shoes at home. Better shoes than my bra. That I could not handle. Remind me to tell you about Reagan saying the streets are made out of gold in heaven.

A Letter to Myself

Tick, tock all the clocks are ticking. My professional clock is ticking and my biological clock is ticking. Time is dwindling.

I have not posted words in a while. I really have not had much I wanted to write. Many of my bubbles have been burst(ed). Dont have time to look up correct grammatical use. Reagan needs a bath. It is Sunday night. We had gotten ready to go to the pool around 1pm and then came the storm. No pool. Sad. I do not love the pool like I used to when I was younger. Probably because I have to actually get in and get sprayed and bucketed by the playmonster in the childrens area. I cant climb that netted thing to get to the top of the slide. I dont like a bucket of water on my head. And ever since Reagan came home with ringworm, I have wanted to sample the water under the microscope. I see snotty noses, some of them green... would you want to get in the pool seeing that? Swimming in snot and boogers? Is that better than bugs?

I have gotten to an age where I feel like I have a path of many to choose. I am confused. I cant find the humor right now. I feel a little alone and isolated. Work may have something to do with it. We officially merged July 1 so I no longer have a title. One of my co-workers is now under a different manager. Just feels like the door is closing quickly.

I cracked another invisalign tray. Upper this time. Margaret did not make an upper impression on my last visit and had not planned to. Guess I will have to call her and give the good news. I am clenching my teeth all the time now. Darn, I am 30+ and was supposed to be having a baby next month! I know in hindsight, I will eventually understand why that was not to be. But right now, I dont understand why all my plans did not work out how I wanted them. I know that is life.

Funny. I watched Tori and Dean (Tori spelling) and I found myself liking her and her bob hairstyle. I cannot believe I watched it. I scrolled through the TV listing today and I saw GOLF on Channel 3 and then TENNIS on another channel. I cant stand either of them.

I finally hung up some clothes in my closet. They were all over the bedroom floor. But I have mismatched shoes all over the place and you have to be in the mood to work on that. I know I have clothes I need to get rid of. In time.

My mother-in-law came in town Friday. We had neighbors over for dinner and the children watched fireworks from the backyard. I ate alot. Never good. I tried to have my parents come but my mom had to work.

My new camera came in. I need to read the directions. Cant wait. Exciting reading.

Until next time.

Happy Anniversary Sean!

The Honeymooners: Tanya and Brian Stephenson